Dear So-and-So at St. Kilda Beach: yes you!

Dear Guy complaining about his beer gut: you know that's a beer in you hand, right?

Dear stupid 17 year old fool: you sound like Jonah from Summer Heights High. You're going places, absolutely.

Dear jelly fish sting victim: just get your friend to pee on you! I hear you'll feel tons better.

Dear girls sunscreening each others' backs: you know she can reach her own ass cheeks right??

Dear those who are far too white for Australian beaches: a little zinc on your nose and lotion on your shoulders won't cut it here. You are going to feel that tomorrow. and the next day, and the next, and the one after that. But sadly I know you will do it again, won't you?

Dear topless girl: everyone is staring at your breasts. But after all... it is St. Kilda...

Dear girls who's conversation is way too loud for how inappropriate it is: SHUT UP!

Dear Guy with a taco: you know that seagull has got it in for you, right?